Election

So it si election season in Taiwan. I couldn't help but think about what if. What if I know the consequences of being impassive? Indiffference is no better than aversion. I was busy doing something I am not even sure suits me or not. I wasn't in my sanity when it comes to the future. I wasn't into politics when they waved the flags to dictate my paths. And here I am still wandering. I just hope verything happen earlier.

Just have some thoughts for this passage. Anoymous seems to be a better option since I don't wanna cause any stir.




最近面對前方的挑戰和與同儕各方面的差距也繼續充滿著感慨，深刻體會到許多事情真的是錯過critical period就無法彌補了。而且既殘酷又無奈的事實是，這次即便再努力也一樣。


每次傍晚走過校園的時候，腦袋都會晃過一堆畫面，尤其是第一次踏入這塊校園的情境，當時和現在心境的差距。想想當初真是個單純無知的小朋友呀，假如當初早一點知道這些差距會怎麼樣呢？至少我當年鐵定不會做出如今證實愚蠢的決定：包括從美國被騙回台灣讀高中、大學甚至醫學系，然後花數以百倍的時間與精力，爬一座陡峭卻又lead to nowhere的山坡，到頭來「不過是」晚了整整十年回到原來的道路上...


有人說：這樣至少讓你學會了「同理心」而說真的我也十分同意。只是當我運用同一套同理心的脈絡，站在那些我曾經的同儕的角度看我自己，進行邏輯辯證時，卻只讓自己更加失落。


例如：當你實力和經歷不如人，卻又比別人老的時候，別人看你會有哪些可能性呢？(1)你資質不如人故成長緩慢、(2)你年少輕狂，所以把青春給玩掉了、(3)你志不在此...等等。


首先，希望(1)和(3)本身不成立，不然也沒什麼好討論了。想想其實過去十幾年，幾乎沒有停下來休息，努力、努力再努力，所以似乎(2)不成立。最後，運用醫學系教給我們的「鑑別診斷」和「整合資訊」的能力，便得到了一個最諷刺的答案：「不是我把青春給玩掉了，而是環境把我的青春給玩掉了...」


這件事情絕對不是發生在單一個人身上，而是一直反覆、廣泛地發生在許多人身上，然而一旦點出這件事情，便會引發（許多人）巨大的情緒反應，不管是無法與過去的自己reconcile還是無法克服各種制約反應，導致根本沒有辦法進行理性討論。


所以，怎麼辦呢？我現在還沒想到任何可以解決的方法






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以下是我自己的想法


當初老實說真的不知道要走哪一系，想填生科，猶豫之中生科出路不好的消息已經慢慢有人在說了，所以選了有執照的系來作保障，還去問了國防藥學的周姐說藥學系的出路。其實在生涯規劃上本來想要進藥商的，但後來受到社會系政治系朋友的影響，同志社群也很關心相關議題，我才發現我真的有興趣的事情根本就不在那些therapeutics。而是諸如人權、AIDS prevention, global development等問題。到了大四大家覺得CRA似乎是不當藥師之外的一條出路，所以我研究所還是硬著頭皮考藥理所，後來覺得恩，人還是誠實一點比較好，不那麼喜歡的東西就不要逼自己吃那麼多。


不要誤會我，我沒有討厭治療疾病，我只是不會在空閒時間看NEJM而已。可是我必須說台大的學習跟我想像的落差很大。光就大一的普化普生來說，我就覺得好像踩到一個深不見底的坑，也沒看過有這麼多莫名其妙的教授齊聚在號稱全國第一的學校。我很喜歡原文書這種東西，因為我喜歡英文，開放式課程一出來我就在追了。可是越到高年級，似乎就越來越沒有機會好好翻原文書，一個禮拜一考試怎麼可能追得完。我很在意系統性學習這件事，可是我也很在意生活有沒有在正軌上這件事，熬夜到五點，七點起來考試這種事情我從來都沒有做過。老師的教學也很零落，所有大範圍的科目幾乎都是兩三個禮拜教10個chapter, 比如藥物分析和藥治根本就不知道在教甚麼。也許就造成了現在藥師有學pathophysiology卻又說不出某個病的所以然，有學藥理，可是對於發炎反應NF-kB這種比較偏細生的知識講不太出來，要改進也可以，可是有incentive嗎？我當機器人調劑一千張我還是領一樣的錢，我還真不知道incnetive在哪。

我真心思考，這種標榜盡可攻退可守的學科，到底是好還不好，我在原本的Xuite寫了萬字的文章來跟高中生說，到底藥學系真實的樣子是甚麼，出路是甚麼，現況有甚麼需要突破，這些忠告最後還是被同儕看到，還要被酸說不爽不要當。也許又是一個很簡單證明：馴化的人比狗還難溝通。後來我發現，可能這種動作就是我想要的，由自我的經驗去汲取現實，然後傳授給那些跟我當初一樣懵懂的人。

學長也都說，藥師有其專業，可是調劑光是平日就五百張~八百張/day，機器人就是機器人，我的內心真的沒有感受到這份工作把我帶到哪裡去，又加上現實與理想的拔河，中國怎樣美國怎樣歐盟怎樣，大概周遭也只有我會關心會看Guardian, BBC,Washington Post, 覺得世界好大好有趣，對照自己的專業的沉痾和守舊，說不出來的無奈盡在心裡。



我覺得我們直接cut to the chest,

1. The culture：你們的生活就是雞肋啊。一個在北京工作的工程師如是說。

他指的是台灣人平日生活很少運用大腦去思考每個現象的構成原因，把工作做完事情聯絡好，下班回家看康熙，聊聊連勝文和柯P的聞逸青年，睡前在床上滑個FB就睡覺了。食之無味棄之也不可惜的生活。當周遭90%的人士如此生活的時候，你就不會思考真正重要的事情是甚麼，而是用同樣的模式度過每一天。


2.Formality. 有沒有人是真的認真學習的？滿是共筆考古題，原文教科書是哪一本可能都不是很清楚的大學生，素質可想而知。可是重點來了，每一科都是這樣固定的模式來學習的話，難道只是個人的問題嗎? 假設課程設計沒有這麼多無關緊要的內容，也沒有一周一期中考這種荒謬的節奏，我相信我們的學系不會這麼荒謬。



2. The trend: 歐美在工業革命中取得先機之後漸漸發展成產業的龍頭與起源點，東亞各國的弱勢造成現在台灣成為全球化底下的犧牲品。當資訊如洪水般湧入的時候，大家知道以前的守舊環境好危險，可是既得利益者如果贊成改革，勢必會失去原本的優勢，改革的力量受阻的時候，生活只會越來越黑暗，只好忍一天是一天。國內的趨勢和國外的趨勢是相反的，有專業的人在國內越來越式微，國外則相反。逆水而行還自我感覺良好，那當然只有進墳墓的分。


要打破這種瓶頸，我覺得同伴很重要。呼應第一點，當只有你一個人覺得這種生活模式很有問題的時候，你呼籲甚麼號召甚麼，其實沒有人會理你。你想要出國人家也只會潑你冷水，你想要改變現有體制，人家也只會說那沒屁用。我從來不相信一個人的motivation完全來自於內心，有很大一部份是需要一盞外在的明燈來支持的，而且不管那種力量是純粹的仇恨，或是很光明積極的動機，都可以。我們敢不敢說我想要XXXX，而且不擇手段，犧牲一切都可以？我們如果不敢，那怪罪環境的正當性又少了一點。





在亂世裡走正確道路是孤獨的，但如果自得其樂，那也未嘗不是一件壞事

如果有一件重要的事

人到一定年紀會有在意的點。

我的話就是有沒有滿足以及需要付出多久多少才滿足。


我覺得這些事情講出來大概也不會有人有共鳴吧，

講出來也是傷感情。


藥師作為有專業執照的人員，的的確確必須要有某種專業，小如這棵會不會睡，大如這棵劑量要怎樣調，療效不好怎麼改，regimen到一階段了下一步怎麼辦。那今天因為環境扭曲了，專業belittle到真的很式微，甚至敞開一種就算沒專業也不會怎樣的契機，加上個人經濟生涯因素，在醫院就是覺得很餓沒錢沒尊嚴，那是否應該因為私益就跑走或背棄專業，我覺得見仁見智。


可是今天似乎不是見仁見智，很多人在醫院還是持續不爽，十秒就要完成核對，一天站八小時搞不好中午還不能睡，最後慢慢覺得當一坨爛渣也沒差，勉強考過定期的考試，認識一堆裸定(雖然出了醫院一點都不重要科技發展一點點就會被打爆卻被視為專業一部份)諸如此類的知識，覺得不知道自己在幹啥所以要跑走卻被一些理想主義者酸，我才知道自私原來這麼不普及。對啊醫院有不那麼討厭的地方，那要花多久到那個地方，到了之後拿到的credit是多少，靠么不知道人家要付房租嗎？一堆門檻之前的prerequisite都不講然後侃侃而談說啊這裡還不錯，有事嗎？我是新生的媽媽我知道真相絕對賞你三十萬巴掌。


我一直覺得我們周遭，特別是同學們，往往在談話中透漏一種I don't know what to do, 因為無力感很perceptible，可是其實自己很強很好很有專業卻不自知的態度，這也是環境的悲哀，你很強很好很專業，90%的時間人家還是把你當人力不會當人才，環境也大概只有偶爾需要那個很強很好很專業的特質，而且是需要時才叫你寫文章賺點數，不是真的覺得既然你進來我就好好training, 平常意見不要這麼多。跟一些國外的人聊天，這種contrast就越來越stark, 他們可以有那個chance和promise，想做甚麼就做甚麼讀了phD也可以當體驗，專業絕對不是號稱而已，人家也不會浪費你的執照叫你當屎，還用假日值班費時薪四十說服你要謝主龍恩，好啊叫停車場阿罵來當藥師啊反正時薪一樣嘛。話至此，思緒就會跳到那些過去的十年二十年所有人到底在幹嘛。我還是很憤世紀俗的覺得，假設過去那些人強勢一點的話，也許台灣藥師會提升至少跟現在的日本一樣。Well, just maybe. 人類真的有一些沒辦法的事情，但很多很多都集中在台灣。也許在這種狀況下，不要怪一些人或以前人沒有向心力，因為人類都想要過自己想要的生活，對，臨床組大概都過著想要的生活所以才可以忍辱負重這麼久吧。也許都是雙子座把熱情當飯吃或是真的很不缺錢。Sorry 我大約支持醫療改革運動但我也是個defeatist(在這方面的話)，我不相信未來十年醫療會更好，絕對會是反方向。



太多東西要怪了，不如就怪自己不幸生在台灣又不姓連吧。

要嗎就是手牽手滅台灣或是召喚神龍了。

The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in a country in 1950 and 2010

The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in a country in 1950 and 2010

The por chart tell us the facts that household expenditures has changed a lot from 1950 to 2010.
Housing is the biggest porportion being spent in 1950, with more than 70% of the spending has been done in this part, followed by food (11.2%), and education (6.6%). In 2010, food has become the area compose the most of the familial expenses. Housing becomes the second largest porportion whilst other miscilaneous thing becomes the third largest. Notably, the transport expenses has rised dramatically in these years, judging from that it changes from the second least porotion of the expenditure in 1950 to the third largest in 2010. While almost every part of the expenditure alters a lot during this period, the ratio of edcaiton expenses in the household expenses, on the other hand, remains stable. The health care plays 4.5% of the household expenses in 2010 and was only 2.4% of that 60 years ago.

Overall, housing was the dominant part of the expenditure in 1950 and people seem to tend to spend more evenly in 2010 for the differnece among every type of the expenditure is not so obvious as it wsa.

The graph below shows the population figures of different types of turtles in India between 1980 and 2012

The graph below shows the population figures of different types of turtles in India between 1980 and 2012.



The number of various types of turtles in India has been changing during these decades. Before 1984, the numbers of every species of turtles dont have big differnence. In late 80s, olive ridley turtles population starts to grow steadily and has been the biggest porportion of turtle popultion in India since 1988, whilst leatherback turtles also have similar trends between 1984 to 1987, it has falling rapidly since the same year and becomes the least since 1990. Green turtles are in the volatile status where its population differ from year to year with large number disparity with swings vigorious between 1990 to 2001, inspite of short icrease in late 1980s, generally it has drops by 10 index during this period. The overall observation of the turtles in India is, though  flucutating form time to time, waving in a small range of percnetage and slightly higher in 2012 than that in 1980.

writing practice

the diagram shows how frequent is differnet kind of usage of transportation in Edmonton and decipher the reasons for people using the cars.

People using the car dominates the patronage of every kind, with 45% of people are the drivers,  followed by people taking LRT (35%), bus and taxi. The porportion of people taking bus and taxi is identical, both composing 15% of the passengers..

Taking a closer look at the people using cars, we can understand that most people choose this way to communte to work, compose 55% of the population using cars. Several other reasons include business, taking children to school, with shopping and leisure activities pertaining to be the least porportion of the drivers population. 

Overall, though people driving cars for various reasons, they all choose this way as a major transportation to get around.

Now people in many countries can live and work anywhere they choose with improved communication technology and transport. Advantages outweigh disadvantages?

good
1. right to choose
2. incentives
3. getaway or castaway?
4. use the time efficiently (no commute)
Bad
1. low-income country (quality, danger, safety)
2. away from the family (long distance, drift away, faded, estranged)

Along with economic globalization, job searching also expands from domestic position to oversees vacancy or from a capital headquaters to another major branch. Variety of reasons can prompts a person want to find a job abroad, though sometimes it's just from the corporation's reassignment as the oversee branches needed.

People argues that being dispatched to another country causes family indisposition, estranged children, and aloof couple relationship. Besides, under the world spectrum where international business set up the branch in foreign states for lower wages expenses, most opportunities abroad is opened in low-income countries, some of which might not be the safe places to live. Crime rate and living condition could be onerous there, causing a lot of capable elites having doubts about working abroad, even nicknamed it as castaway with getaway. Technology helps to realize the long-distance conferences, but sometimes communication errors or misunderstanding is nor rare, casting people doubts about whether to live in a place and work in another.

However, working in the totally different places is definitely a huge perks on the resume. Carried with influenced cultural mime, especially foreign one,  it better our lot on the job searching in the global market. The family problem could be easily solved by high-end internet communication nowadays; talking your wife or husbands thousands miles away is never a question. Many countries also have special education facilities for children of the foreign workers, making it possible to move a whole family abroad or to another city. The employing company mostly give extra fringe benefit for those deployed. It should be a luring chunk of award for those striving for careers for years. Being reassigned abroad also prove one as highly competent agent who is probably multilingual and socially fluent enough to deal with  more volatile markets in foreign country. Job opening oversees available to choose often increase the worker's initiatives at home office, since fighting for a promotion becomes a shared momentum among colleagues.

All in all, under this highly cooperated economy whose business involves not only one sate or one company. It is important to make ourselves adaptive, highly mobile, and rapidly fit in. Otherwise, we'll all be ousted in this strong inundation of mainstream business model.

With major cities continue growing, are there any problems to young people? How to solve these problems?

With the technology keep advancing, people is getting more chances to live prosperously and of better life quality. Big cities are the byproducts of this process that brings bliss and blames. Since big cities has more job opportunities, they are always the first places where freshman flooding in for jobs and strive for career. Behind the glamorous glass-veiled skyscrapers and good-looking tuxedo, the beauty of the modern cosmopolitan does has some dark side that often been neglected. 

Cities has intense business activities and talented prodigy gathered around. Young people have to fight harder to get a job position in this contested atmosphere. Contorted interaction between human shows up under this situation. We might find people social mingles eloquently without having the real friend in need, since most of the parties in this contest have tacit purpose of building up network connection instead of having good time. Utilization of the substances extends to social networks. It is surely weird and ironical to find yourself in the middle of the crowd but still lonely and psychologically not pleasant as well. The life in a haste and bustle, huge pressure from work, and the environmental pollution imposes adverse effect on young physiques. Moreover, they have less time to invest their own interest and hobbies to establish a intact personality and balance out the exhaustion. The financial burden living in the cities is another problem going vile and rife nowadays. Rented room coined "Ant House" are not rare as it is only big enough to encompass one adult's bed and only places affordable for freshmen. The struggle is unfathomable for most of these people but they still endure, holding onto the hope that seemingly diminishes along with the hiking house price and inflation in urban area. 

Upon all of abovementioned problems, it is unclear whether the fiasco is getting better or not. We must implemented policies to help those hardly make ends meet and set up a more rookie-friendly working regulation to protect the labors. Also, government should consider a more transparent cash flow process to battle the corruption and embezzlement, which hurts the younger generation's future for centuries. Shifting the official power to new political candidates or entity could change the situation profoundly as well. The most important is that youngsters should learn to voice out their needs to grip the slippery opportunity and not afraid of being blunter about social welfare or public support that they deserved. After all, the best way to predict the future is to create it on our own.   

Some people say men should take on household (washing dishes, do the laundry)matters, do you agree or disagree?

Hardly could this topic still be on the table. Unfortunately it is true that someone keeps holding on to the conventional tradition that men should only be in charge of the financial and technical tasks without caring about the household triviality like cooking meals, taking care of children, or cleaning the toilet. As a feminist, I'm all for the idea that men should take on the household jobs. Or, if possible, men should handle much more than that in the family. It's about gender equality and individual liberization.

In the modern 21st century, we live in the world where many crisises is to be expected. Most notably is the surging elder population with fewer and fewer newborns. The economic burden on the young people will only increase in next decades, since they are in for the larger share of rising medical and life expenses for their parents, grandparents, or offsprings. By respecting the females and improving gender equality in the society, females will be more willing to join the job market. We can implement female workforce more effeciently and instill innovative ideas from the females perspectives, benefiting the economy in the brunt of labor crisis.

Another impeccable reason to promote the breaking of gender norms is that personal freedom is a birthright which no one can ever impeaches or violates. Respect each other as an individual and communicate with the partners is the core concept in the family. I don't think a rule suggesting who takes responsibility of household tasks will be working without drawbacks. Judging people, no matter male or female, by saying he's congenially not able to accomplish or ineligible to do something is an downright discrimination. Any type of bigotry is unacceptable in today's society. By standing on the common ground and putting oneself in other's shoes, we can avoid the stripes or rifts between the couples that generate from the trifle question "who should take the trash out?"

All in all, it is undeniable people have different opinions in terms of gneder issue. However, no one can disrespect anyone by belittle them or impose the stereotype on them. Men taking household tasks is not something important enough to be on the discussing spotlight, but female forced to do the household is.

The best way to ensure the happiest nation is to keep the smallest diffference in richest and poorest. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

For decades we discussed about disparity between poor and rich, about how the sense of deprivation cause the jealousy, how the injustice business occupy the middle level's space, and how inresourceful younsters struggle to make ends meet when overpriviledged people squandering their wealth. To me, the question is not about wealth disparity that holds us back from feeling happy, it's about the lack of self-fullfillment.

We live in highly capitalized society where great amount of wealth controlled by only few people. Of course narrowing the disparity between rich and poor helps to ease the morose in middle class's mind. However, I think many still will be as angry as they are even if we abituarily restrict the rich people's operation of their assets and redistributed the money to the poorers. The crux of the problem of people living depressively is that they find no determination to achieve. We've been programmed to lead a life that social norm prevails over the personal values. However we tried to realize the personal career, it would end up interfered by the majority, such as peers, parents, or the superiors. Any unconventional move is not deemed as innovative here, instead, it would be categorized as traitorous and dangerous action. Profit-driven habits that we've been installed persuades us not to waste on risky deals. Disciplinicity is stressed too often in our education and few people hardly have a chance to fight against the very mindset. The unmotivated people further worsen the situation where young people get almost no opportunities to thrive and no financial support for wider exposures. Sadly speaking, the whole catastrophe in our society is going to get worse if the governement keep ignoring the problems in this imbalance distribution on chances and resources, or even keep encouraging rich people maneuver their money unconditionally. Still, some tinkerers have find a way out and try to use their experience to help other people having similar difficulties. Collectively if we believe and make actions, it would finally curb the existing situation.

All that being said, while I agree with the idea that happiest nation has smallest difference in richest and poorest, I also believe people need to find their spiritual dependence other than virtual banknotes and coins. Since money couldn't buy the health, serendipity, or inner tranquility, we all need something more than wealth to create the actual happiness. 

Some say the purpose of education is to prepare individuals to be useful to society. othes say the purpose of education is to achieve personal ambitions. discuss both views and give ur own opinion.

As being a pharmacy trained, a hard skilled student, unfortunately, I have to side in with the view that education is to be useful in as the society. In the meantime, I don't deny the very concept that education is for personal aspirations. This might contradicts each other at the first glance but it's actually the two sides of a coin. Here are some reasons.

First of all, society needs various talented protege to thrive and function well. From technology development, medical care, and administrative support, to crime controling, justice realiztion. Everone has his role in the civil government. Education makes sure every citizen fit into the complex institution.

Second, every individual has his or her own will to acheive the best they can in the overwelming civilization. Howerver, it doesn't absolutely mean the pursuit per se is solely an action of self-catering career plan. Self-realizaiton for everyone also benefits the wholesome society, since the society is consisted by every individual. If everyone is put on the right position and humbly maneuver their duty well and sound, the society could be function as a cogwheel working smoothly.

Third, everyone needs resources investment or even extra social facilitaiton when growing up. After we become a adult, it is our responsibility to incoporate ourselves in the context of the community as a member to return back and contribute. The willfulness and selfishnes is inevitable, but it would be better if the majority of us shows some empathy and care about the minorities.

An increasin number of people change their career and places of residence during their life, Is it good or bad development?

For me, I like to immerse in the volatile environment, though sometimes feel left out by the peers cuz new to the environment, or sometimes it's easier to corner ourselves in the self-cocoon, I still love to be in the place where I keep adaptive and taking challenges.

Some introvert people might be on the contrary to me, but let's look into the mess that we live, since when did we really safe in the comfort zone? Not improving the status quo doesn't give you the sense of secruity, it's rather holding you back from the better future once you take a brave step to the unknown. Besides, changing the living condition doesn't always mean you have to give up what you already have, instead, it brings up the extra benefits. You can be as verbose about politics and as usual and becomes a leader of labor rights in the district after moving to another region, or you can be left alone in the community meeting in the last place you stay. Another perks of being a nomads is that you will not be shackled by the norms of your family of origin and local society. Globalization prevails everywhere nowadays, and we get to have more options when it comes to the ideal life. Back to the era where traportation is not that accessible, we don't have much choices but staying put in the environment we may dislike. Now, we have everything we need to make our ideas come true. Isn't it the best time to fullfill our determinaiton?

So I would say, it's definetly a good development and trend for us to venture out more instead of settle for anything stupor.

Thoughts for the trip

I remember three years ago, I'm just back from North Carolina, still fuzzy with the revelry in DC at that night with those one time friends. I felt passionate, be able to feel the power in me gushing out from the heart. I started reading molecualr biology textbook and digged out biochem notes to study for the grad school.  It was the second i feel like learning is interesting cuz no-one is pushing me except myself. Self-motivation is the core spirit of long term pursuing a career, I finally realized that in the semifinal moment of the college year. Then it's the pathetic senior year, expoiting my whole strength and wasted a lot of time in the hospital in the internship program. I wasn't resenting the clinical aspects of this field, but I do need everyone saying Hospital is a twisted system in union. I really don't like any sugarcoating for the drudgery at pharmacy or the heavy workload which makes you unable to take a piss for even 2 minutes. I hate people lying about how drug interaction or evalution is important, cuz truth spoke earlier before telling us people here don't give any damn about refining the prescription.

I wann be able to feel the passion and power that I experienced three years ago, I want to walk tall anew with hope to the future and fearlessly brave the reality. Guess I'm asking too mush for this uk trip, I could only wish I won't be pickpocketed and get lost in the middle of nowhere.

25 yrs old

每年這時候就很不順。不管是工作或是身體，昨天邊咳邊覺得忽冷忽熱的配藥，完成合理調劑量80的兩倍然後在喔耶生意好好的眾所歡呼中感到孤寂，順便得知薪水裡面至少有六千是加班加來的。最後幾位大概是我半邊眼睛已經閉起來的狀態下配的，最後到底怎麼回到家的根本沒有記憶。今天莫名發現把昨天混亂中送貨來的發票弄丟了(雖然最後有找到)，感覺不到小事情的重要性似乎也惹了一點不便，最近幾次跟另一藥師上班都在各自做預包的沉默下進行。


所以我必須承認我還是原本那個我。
我還是想要某些很遠很遠lomo化有點朦朧的理想，但我不想走得這麼累；
我還是不喜歡別人大多很喜歡的事物；
我還是會在意別人的看法，心情隨波盪漾；
我還是很討厭現實即便我存在於其中；
我還是喜歡extravaganza，或是不禮貌，
我還是喜歡正經八百的分析文。
我還是處於喜歡自己一個人和需要別人來扶持的灰色地帶